Was it just a dream?

This weekend marks an important milestone in my life because it is the ending of my first week back at work! The weird thing is that I felt as if I had never left. This was running through my mind while I was driving to work in my suit on that first day back. Has it really been two years? It really seemed like just a long weekend, or a dream perhaps...

I had chosen this job because it is flex-time and for a totally different company (same industry though), but it is so similar. After much analysis and deep-searching, I realize that it feels the same because it is just a job. Being home and being able to fully appreciate the joys of my family, I am returning to work with a different perspective. Instead of questioning whether this job will give me what I am looking for in life, I am just happy that I have a job that allows me to keep my priorities in order- because I now realize that I have what I have been searching for all along.

Embracing Change

It has been exactly two years today that I have resigned from my former career and became a full time stay-at-home mom. That was a huge decision that came directly from the heart, and I have been loving this new life (after a period of transition/mourning... sounds ridiculous, since it was my decision but it was difficult nonetheless). I can say that I have treasured every minute that I have spent with Mady and Aly. I have become a better mom and a better person for taking this time away from the corporate world to be present and loving. Growing up, I never saw myself having children or staying home to raise them. Now I see the joy in all the little things that make up our home life- such as smiles in the morning when I'm no longer rushing off to work, walking the girls to school when the weather's nice, seeing their excited faces when I volunteer at their school (even though it has only been a couple of hours since I dropped them off), lunch with my husband who comes home almost daily so we can have our little lunch "date"... So many moments I am grateful for. The only thing is, now when I do go back to work, I will know exactly what I will be missing.

Vegetarian Cooking

For Lent, we decided to give up meat and become vegetarians. We have done it before and felt like it is both appropriate and meaningful. It is a big sacrifice because my husband and I love our steaks (we are from Texas after all) and it is also a more peaceful/environmentally-friendly way of living. The problem is that we have never given up meat after having children... At first, my daughters were fully cooperative and excited that I'll be cooking from a new cookbook (excellent one, by the way, from the Moosewood Restaurant). Then they realized that this also means no more pork ribs, hamburgers, spaghetti & meatballs, chicken soup, chicken nuggets... So they tried to renegotiate with, "Mommy, can I give up oatmeal instead?" or my personal favorite, "Mommy, can I give up homework for Lent?" What we ended up doing was letting the girls pick for themselves what they would like to give up- television for Mady (except on Sundays) and climbing up the side of the staircase for Aly (don't ask, just know that this is something that is a major sacrifice for her).

Snow Days

Tonight it started snowing here in North Carolina and my children went to bed in a happy happy mood. Although tomorrow is not a school day, there is something magical about seeing snow on the ground and being forced to deviate from daily activities. For me, it is magical because I get to have my family all to myself- all social obligations are cast aside and we are stuck at home together... And I guess that is where the magic happens.

Too often, we forget about the simple pleasure of being home and just enjoying each other. I realize that my girls will grow up one day and that this time I have with them is really very limited. Maybe I should start implementing "Snow Days" for us as a family every once in awhile!!! It is a chance to take a breath and just exist as a family with no outside intervention... Until the doorbell rings and the neighborhood kids want to go play in the snow, of course.

The Ramen Girl

Last night my husband and I watched an obscure movie called "The Ramen Girl". We had chosen the movie based on 1) we signed up for Netflix streaming recently and that was one of the movie selections (more on how this has changed our lives later), 2) Brittany Murphy was the lead and I am still saddened by her early death and 3) it was about food (my other love).

The movie turned out to be really funny and unexpectedly deep. The plot is about a young woman who followed her boyfriend to Japan only to be dumped as soon as she arrived. She ended up finding comfort in a ramen noodle bowl and making some decisions that changed the course of her life. Although in the end she found her way, she had to go through a lot of pain, suffering and disappointments before she could progress to the next level and evolve into the best person she could be.

I loved this movie because I remember going through periods of my life when I felt lost and defeated. However, like Abby, I did eventually find my way through a combination of faith, love and luck. I believe that we all face pain, suffering and disappointments because it is part of our journey to becoming a better person.

Required Reading: Thomas Moore's "Care of the Soul"

Channel Road Blueberry Bread

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that any married mother, must be in want of a vacation by herself every once in awhile. Although I have stolen that line from Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice" (and more on that at a later date), the sentiment is completely appropriate for modern motherhood.

The following recipe is from one such vacation for me a few years ago when I met up with some cherished college friends in Santa Monica. The best part of this recipe is that you can do it all in one bowl with a wooden spoon. Easy and tastes like morning at a bed &breakfast on the California coastline.

(Channel Road Blueberry Bread)

1 stick butter, softened
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup sour cream
2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup fresh or frozen blueberries (I sometimes add one extra cup, especially if the blueberries are fresh)


Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a large bowl, cream butter with sugar. Add eggs, vanilla and sour cream. Mix in flour, baking powder and baking soda. Slowly fold in blueberries by hand.

Pour into greased 9x5 loaf pan. Bake for about 1 hour.

Broken-Winged and Cannot Fly

It is critical that we remember and cherish our own dreams in our daily efforts to be a loving mom. After my second daughter Aly was born, I had a dream that has stayed with me until now. In my dream, I saw a young woman sitting on a chaise with her back towards me. She was lost in a daydream with a journal opened on her lap, and surrounded by sunlight. I had assumed that this young woman was me until she turned around and I realized that it was my daughter. The feelings I felt at that moment shocked me, because it was extreme sadness. Sadness that time has passed by and that I will never be that young woman again. Therefore, I always try to nurture my own dreams as an individual as often as possible.

I have enough life experience to realize that not all my dreams will come true, either because it is no longer possible or because I no longer want it. But for the dreams that remain with me, I have the responsibility to myself, my children, my husband and the universe, to make them come true. If my dreams are defeated, then I will truly be broken-winged and cannot show my children how to fly.